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again... its been a super long time since i updated... the only time… - LiFe? Or SoMeThInG LiKe It
November 2009
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Wed, Nov. 18th, 2009 01:16 pm
again... its been a super long time since i updated... the only time i ever really come on here is when i need to write about things that i feel i can't really talk to anyone about, so here i am
everything with eric is amazing
we're married now
i'm pregnant
and i think thats why i am so miserable right now
i think this whole pregnancy thing is really starting to get to me
i am so happy to be pregnant, i am excited, i have wanted a baby forever
but right now it super sucks
i can't smoke... which is honestly what helped me get through a day
it helps me relax and just enjoy life and although my sister and mom say they both smoked while pregnant.. i just can't do it
A). because i could never live with myself if something bad happened to the baby because of it
and B). because my doctors office drug tests me everytime i go there
my mom tells me to just go to a different doctor then... but i don't want to, i like my doctors office
it really sucks
and i can't drink... which really isn't a big deal for me because i honestly don't even like drinking... but its what helps to keep me social
all my friends are young and like to go out drinking and have a good time
and i feel like i can't go out anymore because i feel like a party pooper.. which i am
when everyone gets drunk and im sitting there completely sober, its absolutely not fun
so i feel like i am losing my friends... i am drifting farther and farther away from them because i never see them and i don't have anything to talk about with them anymore and so in return they are all getting closer with one another and making new friends and such and here i am just sitting here at home being pregnant... its miserable
i've pretty much completely lost touch with my sister, i don't even know whats going on in her life anymore
i don't know... driving to utica to work all the time is really killing me too, if they would just move me back to syracuse i think that would help me too

i want to smoke so bad because i know it'll help me relax right now... this sucks... i need to do something to get my mind off of things

i feel bad for eric really... he takes the brunt of most of my anger and frustration because hes the only person i truly feel comfortable taking it out on

i dont know what to do... poop

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